Same Sex Couples and Domestic Violence

Surprise surprise. I'm whining and complaining again. This article pissed me off. http://www.gpac.org/about/news.html?cmd=view&archive=news&msgnum=0718

WASHINGTON -- New studies comparing straight and gay couples, as well as straight married couples are finding differences that shed light on the effects of gender roles and give hope for better adjusted relationships.

One study found that while same-sex and heterosexual couples reported similar levels of conflict, gay couples reported more relationship satisfaction. Researchers suggest that the inequality in heterosexual relationships may be taking a toll.
Heterosexual married women live with a lot of anger about having to do the tasks not only in the house but in the relationship, according to professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University, Esther D. Rothblum.
In heterosexual couples, gender roles tended to be more stratified, with men initiating sex and taking financial responsibility and women more likely to refuse sex, initiate discussion about the relationship, or do the housework. Same-sex couples tended to be much more egalitarian, with partners often sharing many of these responsibilities.

Same-sex couples were more likely to fight fairly, defuse tension with humor, avoid domination one another and recover from fights.The tendencies for egalitarianism extended to arguments, with same-sex couples more likely to fight fairly, defuse tension with humor, avoid dominating one another, and recover from fights easily.

Heterosexual couples were less likely to fight fairly or avoid dominating one another, and many showed signs of significant emotional agitation during arguments that continued well afterwards.

The studies imply that much of the strife couples experience around housework, money and sex which we associate with males or females is learned rather than biological, and thus can be resolved.


First of all, I hate it when people make really vague generalizations beginning with "New studies show..." or "The studies show that...blah blah blah." Ummmm, can you NAME some of these studies or cite some numbers????

My REAL issue with this article is the author's complete ignorance/denial of oppression and domestic violence within LGBT communities. As a lesbian and a feminist, I am concerned about domestic violence in our communities. I also wonder if domestic violence occurs in gay male couples but I'm not qualified to comment on that. I am dismayed at the denial that occurs in LGBTQ communities over this issue. Yes gays can be sexist, classist, racist, violent, elitist, etc.

I am so sick of the "All gays are egalitarian and open-minded" stereotype. Sure, it's a good stereotype but it's still a STEREOTYPE. Stereotypes DEHUMANIZE people. Being gay is part of who I am but above all, I am a HUMAN, just like everyone else. Some of us are wonderful people and some of us are complete scum. If you want to be progressive you have to treat us equally and fairly as HUMAN BEINGS. That means judging us by our actions and our character. If I do something wrong call me out on it, if I do something wonderful for the community give me an award. Don't just assume I'm a wonderful egalitarian person when you don't even know me. That's like saying all Asians are good at math, or all African Americans are good at basketball. It's dangerous to paint an entire group of people with a stereotype, no matter how "good" the stereotype seems. I oppose all forms of violence, whether it's being perpetrated by a redneck, Bible-thumping man driving a pick up truck or a progressive, bike-riding, vegetarian queer woman. I'm sick of LGBTQ domestic violence being swept under the rug in the name of political correctness.

Oh yeah...I have a blog...

Totally forgot about my blog. I have such a short attention span.

Homophobic Liberals

I'm sick of these f-ing stickers. Oh I'm sure that some of you supposedly "progressive" pro-choicers are thinking, "Lighten up. It's just a joke. It's a clever, ronic way of making fun of homophobic pro-lifers. "

Blah blah blah blah blah blah. It is NOT funny or clever. What if a pro-choicer decided to make fun of racist pro-lifers by saying, "May the fetus you save be black." That would not be considered okay so why is it okay to make fun of gays and lesbians? I do NOT appreciate being used as a punchline for a pro-choice/pro-life joke.

Also, it's quiet silly to assume that a pro-lifer will see that sticker and think, "Oh shit! I didn't think of that. I changed my mind! Let's abort them before they turn gay!" Pro-choicers should not fall back on the assumption that pro-lifers are all fundamentalist, homophobic, extremists who run around bombing abortion clinics. It's also narrowminded to assume that all pro-lifers are heterosexual. That's like assuming all African Americans are Democrats, or all Asians are good at math.

War

Some things never change. Almost every generation has fought in some kind of war. For my generation, it’s the War on Terror. Gen X fought in the Persian Gulf War. The Baby Boomers fought in Vietnam. Then there was Vietnam, Korea, World War II, World War I, etc. Sometimes I see little kids playing in the park with their parents and I wonder which country they will be deployed to twenty years from now. Or better yet, which war will he or she be protesting?